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Vickers Suspected in Foam Incident

Yesterday, Hendrick Motorsports experienced a bizzare incedent, as a fire-protective foam substance flooded an airplane hanger. Police have zeroed in on Brian Vickers, driver of the 25 GMAC Chevy, as the culprit in the case.
"We're looking at multiple candidates, but based on the information we have now, Brian Vickers is our number one suspect", explained Concord, NC police spokesman Wilson Scott. "The Fru Cru also remains under close surveilance."
Vickers, winner of the "Driver Who's Due for a Win This Year" award three seasons running, has announced that he is leaving Hendrick after 2006. Since the move was announced, Hendrick employees have said that several pranks have been pulled, with evidence pointing to Vickers.
"Last month, Mr. (Rick) Hendrick went to get some coffee from the office coffeemaker", explained an employee who wished to remain nameless. "He quickly spat it out, saying that it had been spiked with Quaker State.
"Another time, when Jeff (Gordon) tried to get into his car, a whole pile of Ore-Ida fries spilled out. We haven't seen such an unprofessional display since Wally Dallenbach left here."
After several interviews, police were still reluctant to charge the driver, according to Scott. However, several cans of Red Bull found in the hanger prompted the authorities to move forward.
Vickers had no comment, as he was busy telling Kyle Busch to stop punching himself.


I Need a Lover with a Slogan

Its high time that Nascar teams began assigning themselves slogans (besides that drippy "refuse to lose"). Here's some to get 'em started:

MB2--We're racing with a splash of Ginn

RCR--From "A team that needs to regroup" to "A team that's really got their stuff together"

DEI--Our drivers think they're black

Penske--We clean up. Not on the track--Mr. Penske actually makes us vacuum the pit stalls after every stop

Morgan-McClure--Don' about me (don't don't don't don't)

Hendrick--Pssst--we can get you a great inside deal on a new Civic!

Roush--We're the New York Yankees of racing, except that we actually WIN championships

Robby Gordon--As independent as a Kevin Smith movie (well, besides Jersey Girl)

Evernham--See those little tails coming off of the 9's? Those are MINE

Joe Gibbs--Delivering batteries to home improvement stores

Wood Bros.--Holding on to our past like grim death

Bill Davis--Uh, we'll get back to you in 2007

Shelmerdine--Can you spell my last name? Then you qualify to be on my pit crew!

PPI--Still trying to forget about Pruett

Front Row--OK, we admit it--its a lie

Yates--From "A team that's really got their stuff together" to "A team that needs to regroup"

Ganassi--We're the team of the future (and always will be)

Petty Enterprises--From "A team that needs to regroup" to "A team that needs to regroup"

No Fear--Racing to and 'fro

Haas--Our owner SHOULD go to jail...for running an "According to Jim" paint scheme

Furniture Row--Like Skid Row, but without Sebastian Bach

Red Bull--We're like Maxi Pads (we have wiiiings!)

Hall of Fame--Blame it on the Raines


Dale Earnhardt Jr. Criticizes Nascar's Penalty System

What? You call that a FINE?!? Man, 20 large ain't NOTHIN' to me! I make that kinda dough doin' commercials in my SLEEP, man! Y'all betta find a betta way to control these playas, 'cause we got MAD MONEY!
All us drivaz got cash money, dawg! You wanna see proof? POW--BLING BLING, baby. I got these gold CHAINZ straight cash. We be payin' BILLZ, man!
You think Carl cash-poor? Dang, man. He got money comin' out his ears, brotha. Yeah, that's right, he's got O.A.D.--OBLIGATED AUTOMATIC DOLLAZ!
Man, Nascar gotta raise them fines, man! If they don't we gonna keep ridin', baby. Uh, unless our sponsors say something against it...sir.


I've Got a Case of D VD!

Go to your local big-box electronics store, and you'll see a DVD copy of "Days of Thunder". But there's a catch--its just the movie, with no special features. Here's hoping that they come out with a "Special Edition" with THESE special features:

Detractors Commentary--Alternate sound track featuring Richard Petty ripping the authenticity of the film.

Cast Bios--Information on the stars of the movie, including:
--Why Randy Quaid once murdered a key grip for calling him "Cousin Eddie"
--Heartwarming biography on the personal life of Tom Cruise (up to 2003)
--Instructions on how to pronounce "Cary Elwes"
--Interview with Michael Rooker, aka "That Guy From Mallrats"
--Quote from John C. Reilly: "I'll never do another damn Nascar movie again"

Robert Duvall: An Actor's Life in Retrospect--Insightful documentary on the life of this acclaimed actor, explaining how he went from doing "To Kill A Mockingbird" and "The Godfather" to "The Sixth Day" and "John Q"

Deleted Scenes--Parts of the movie that were left on the cutting room floor, including:
--Nicole Kidman saying "Let me out of the car, Cole!" for about 18 more minutes
--Rowdy Burns explaining where he got his nickname (apparently, when he was a kid, he was really rowdy)
--Extended footage of the fascinating interview scene with Greg Sacks
--Part where Buck Bretherton leaves to do some "freelancing work" as Mike Honcho

Memory Eraser--New DVD technology invented by Nascar, this devices allows the sanctioning body to wash away any memories of Tim Richmond.


How to Get Beat Up

Go up to an old-school Ford Racing fan and say this:

"Hey, bummer about Mark Martin not running a full schedule next year. But hey--he can help get the 60 team off the ground! I mean, he'll make every race with his champions provisional! What? Of course he does! He won back in 1990, right?"



Bristol "News" and Notes

Kurt Busch has the pole for tomorrow night's Sharpie 500. Speaking of which, I hear that if you smell Kurt for too long, you can get really high.

Nascar has announced its 2007 schedule, with no major changes beyond a few date shufflings. Dang--I thought that this was the year we finally got a race back at Ontario Motor Speedway.

Mark Martin's dominance of the Truck Series continued at Bristol, leading some to wonder if the "Developmental Series" is turning into a "Senior Circuit". Guys, the PC term is "Champions Tour".

Speaking of the Truck Series, Eric Clapton was in attendance as as guest of Germain Racing. Clapton was said to have enjoyed the experience, as it reminded him of his childhood, growing up as a poor boy in the rural mountains of Alabama, with only the soul of the rhythm to soothe him.

Finally, remember that Bristol is to Nascar what Lambeau Field is to the NFL--a famous facility in a small town with nearly impossible tickets. Of course, Bristol DOES have Greg Biffle.

2:1 Bill Weber will remember that time the crewman picked him up in the pits during a pre-race interview, leading him to years of therapy.
5:1 Wally Dallenbach will wreck during "Wally's World".
40:1 The race will end under green, without overtime.


Lets Review Jeremy Mayfield's New Deal...

Jeremy Mayfield left Evernham Motorsports for a team with...

--no points

--no experience

--a brand-new manufacturer

--a sponsor that no one has heard of (other than producing "race face")

--no wins in years

--a teammate with no wins in Nextel Cup...ever

--and an owner best-known for letting good drivers get away

But at least your new owner pays attention to you! Good luck, Jer!


The Car of Tomorrow...Today

Nascar has spent a considerable amount of time at Michigan this week testing its new "Car of Tomorrow". Lets see some of the new features:

--Rear spoiler replaced by wing, which emits bad, mass-produced white-boy rap.

--Contains a bigger "greenhouse", the part of the car where Shane Hmeil grew his, um, "medicine".

--Wider. And as we all know, Wider is Better! Well, until your manufacturer pulls out due to lagging sales.

--Hydraulics, for planned 2008 street-course race in South-Central Darlington.

--To save time, the formerly blank hood (usually only visible when a team doesn't have a sponsor), will be painted with the Lucas Oil logo.

--A chassis that makes Lola look like Panos!

--Comes factory-stocked with no fewer than two Sauter brothers.


As Seen on Cheap Airbrushed T-Shirts Downtown

After yesterday's article on possible nicknames for Juan Pablo Montoya, someone sent in this suggestion:

Johnny Montana

I can't BELIEVE I missed that one! But it got me to thinking...

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! (translated: click here).


Suggested Nicknames for Juan Pablo Montoya

From Front Row Joe to Decrepit Old Has-Been, the key to success in Nascar is having a great nickname. With that in mind, the folks at Chip Ganassi have already begun working hard on coming up with a nickname for their new driver, Juan Pablo Montoya. The Outside Groove intercepted a list of suggestions, lets take a look:

The Untouchable (ridded Chicago of the dreaded "Mears Gang")

The Man With Three Names

No, Not the Wrestler

Juan and Done (oh wait, that was Scott Pruett)

Cool Papa Bell

Formula Juan--I mean, Nascar Juan

Pablo's Blue Ribbon


Son of Sorenson

Columbian Gold--He's Addictive!


Why This Website Exists

Earlier this year, I explained in this article why this website is in existance. That belief that The Outside Groove DOES serve a purpose (as bitter and cynical as it may be) was only reaffirmed after today's Busch race, and again by Robby Gordon. After the wild finish, TNT went to interview Robby Gordon. Just as he started talking, he put on a hat for his sponsor, Navy. And what was embroidered on the side?

Mark McFarland

And that, once again, is why The Outside Groove exists.


Michigan "News" and Notes

Its official--David Gilliland starts driving the #38 car this week. Just think--in a few short months, you'll be the most experienced driver at Robert Yates Racing.

Meanwhile, the former driver of the M&M's car, Elliott Sadler, qualified 2nd for the race in his first time out with his new team, Evernham Racing. It remains to be seen just how big of a jackass Jeremy Mayfield will seem like.

In the Busch Series, Eric "I Can Learn!" McClure has picked up a one-race sponsorship for this week's race, Fuel Freedom. According to the press release, "The Altamonte Springs, FL-based company is the world's sole distributor of MPG-CAPS™, a 100% organic engine conditioner that simultaneously improves fuel economy and power by creating a micro-thin coating on the combustion chamber in your engine, allowing your fuel to burn more efficiently." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Kevin Harvick, meanwhile, has called for Busch Series regulars to stop complaining about Nextel Cup drivers invading their races. Such news continues to cloud the future of the series, as it does the past and present, since nobody still knows what the Busch Series is really for, anyway.

Mark Martin has remained non-committal about his role with Roush Racing next year. Though he hasn't agreed to race full-time in 2007 yet, he has begun going by the nickname, Mark "The Real Deal" Martin.

2:1 Someone will make a joke about Tony Raines' owners feeling at home at Michigan. Because its shaped like a BIG D! And Dallas is known as BIG D!!! IT'S CRAZY!!!!!
10:1 A newspaper article will be titled "Where have you gone, Ernie Irvan?"
100:1 A newspaper article will be titled "Where have you gone, U.S. 500?"


Directed by John Hughes

The Nascar world was turned on its head today, with the shocking announcement that Bobby Labonte will be running the Fruity Cheerios paint scheme this weekend. But a news story also worth mentioning is Jeremy Mayfield's surprising comments in a sworn court affadavit. In the document, Mayfield claims that his team was hindered by owner Ray Evernham's "close personal relationship" with Erin Crocker. Obviously, it doesn't take someone with Chad Little's law degree to see what that means. But The Outside Groove chose to take a different approach--this is obviously a parallel to every 80's teen romantic comedy. Here's how the cast fills out:

Ray Evernham: The Star Everyman. He's the guy who's just looking for his way in life, trying to discover himself after being jilted by his first love (note: replace "love" with "driver" for maximum effect). Of course, it takes a whirlwind trip to a foreign land (England, or perhaps upstate New York) to force him to make the biggest decision of his life.

Erin Crocker: The Geeky Everygirl. She's quiet, plain, and unsure how to express herself. Deep down, she wants the Everyman, but doesn't believe he'll ever go for her. She lashes out (on her trucks), hurting the ones she loves (smashing them into walls). Of course, in the end, she DOES get the guy. Bonus points for having glasses.

Jeremy Mayfield: Zabka. Mayfield plays the resident bully, the kind of guy played by William Zabka repeatedly. His lawsuit was his way to "Sweep the leg, Jeremy!", and after his revenge is through, they'll have to "get Ray a bodybag, yeeeeah!"

Kasey Kahne: The Hot Chick. Every guy in the audience would go for the better looking one, but movie law states that if the star goes with the better looking protagonist, the universe will collapse.

Scott Riggs: Friend #4.


Sadler Beaten by Unidentified M&M's

Elliott Sadler's decision to sign with Evernham Motorsports today was overshadowed by an alledged beating by "two unidentified M&M's" late last night.
According to Sadler, formerly sponsored by the candy maker, he was reportedly walking out of Robert Yates Racing headquarters after "saying his goodbyes and picking up my tape dispenser", when "two bright round fellas" jumped out from behind a pile of discarded Ricky Rudd merchandise.
Sadler, who was admitted to a hospital this morning, said that "they just kept whaling on me, beatin' me with their little gloved hands. All I remember is pain, giant white M's, and pain."
Sadler was determined to have received several deep bruises, a concussion, and a non-life threatening case of Nascar fever. Due to his injuries, Sadler's exact recollection of the events remains fuzzy, but somewhat lucid.
"I can't remember it exactly, but I heard 'em saying something. I think it was 'Don't leave the family, boy--NOBODY leaves the family!'"
Sadler's status for this week's race remains uncertain, leading Evernham Motorsports to retain Bill Elliott in a large tupperware container.
Police, acting on Sadler's descriptions, have issued arrest warrents for two male individuals, short and stocky, with bright red and yellow skin and/or clothes.
J.K. Simmons could not be reached for comment.


Power Station

In recent weeks, some people have accused of stealing my ideas. Well, based on this second-hand, unverifiable information, I'm launching an attack! (just like the President does!) For too long, The Outside Groove has gone on without a "Power Rankings", like those seen on or So here, for the first time, is The Outside Groove's Power Rankings:











Now, you're probably asking me, "Hey, Mike, why don't you have a girlfriend?", then asking me, "Hey Mike, how did you come up with these rankings?" Well, I ranked the drivers where they were because...



Said Reassigned to 31st After Front Row Motorsports Connection Revealed

Despite a strong run at Watkins Glen this Sunday, Boris Said had his finishing position relegated to 31st place. Nascar said the move was directly related to his alliance with Front Row Motorsports for the race.
"After we examined Boris' entry, and saw where the points were going, we had no choice", explained Nascar spokesman Jim Hunter. "There is no way we are going to see a Front Row Motorsports car record a top-10 in ANY race, no matter who's driving or what his hairstyle is."
Said's agreement with FRM CEO Bob "Not the Announcer" Jenkins had the points from Said's finish going to the team. This information went unnoticed until shortly after the completion of the race.
"They thought they could fool us by using a different number, actual sponsorship, and a talented driver", explained Hunter, "but we know a FRM run when we see one. As soon as he went past the inner loop, we knew something was up."
Jenkins could not be reached for comment, as his phone number has been disconnected for months. However, Said was quite disappointed after the move.
"Why couldn't I have just raced for NEMCO like Ron (Fellowes) always does? Or whoever owns the 02 car? That's the last time I join up with a team whose very name is a lie."
Nascar has made similar moves in the past--this is known as the "Derrike Cope rule", referring to Cope's 1990 win at the Daytona 500, which required everyone involved in Nascar to refer to Derrike Cope as the 1990 Daytona 500 winner ever since.


Watkins Glen "News" and Notes

For the first time in years, they "Heyyyy Jeremayyyyyyyye!" yells will be out of place.

Scott Pruett was the highest-qualifying "road course ringer" at the Glen, starting 13th in tomorrow's race. Good thing they took Stremme out of the car this week--wouldn't want him to get any experience or anything.

Boris Said will also be running this week's race in his #60 car. In response, the New York Meterological Society has issued a Severe 'Fro Warning for the western upstate area.

Kurt Busch won both poles this weekend, and has already won today's Busch Series race. Nice to see that he's really sinking his teeth into that Penske file.

Since ultra-cool race name "Bud at the Glen" was dropped, this race has had several sponsors, including Global Crossing. Apparently Enron and Worldcom had their marketing budgets spend elsewhere.

5:2 During a spinout in the "bus stop" section of the track, Bill Weber will make a horrible Jerome Bettis joke.
6:1 Switching their music selections for this week's and next's, NBC will mistakenly play "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" 5 times.
50:1 Scott Pruett will NOT spin out.


Mayfield Files for Unemployment

After his surprising release today from Evernham Motorsports, driver Jeremy Mayfield was soon spotted at the North Carolina Department of Labor, filing W-9 forms for unemployment insurance.
"I'm not proud, but hey--I've had that taken out of my paycheck for damn-near 20 years, I might as well take advantage of it." explained Mayfield. "Until BDR gets a car ready for me, I'm out of a paycheck. And those dogs don't feed themselves."
Under current North Carolina law, Mayfield is eligable to receive 80% of his paycheck from Evernham for the next 26 weeks, as long as he proves he's been actively looking for employment. Evernham, when reached for comment, replied, "Shoot--I KNEW he would file...I guess I'll have to say I'll hire him again. My quarter-midget program could always use a mechanic."
Mayfield doesn't discount the economic impact of not filing, saying that, "...I have a certain level of lifestyle I've become accustomed to, and I, I mean we, and by we, I mean my wife. I mean, how long can I go without that new hottub I've been eyeing? And with gas prices where they are, I'll have a heck of a time filling up my jet to go on job interviews. Its really just necessary."
Mayfield has been quite optimistic about his chances getting a ride with Bill Davis Racing this season, but if that doesn't come through, he says he does have "...other irons in the fire--namely welfare."


No, Not the Mach 1 Guy

Its Commercial Parody Week! Part 5

(note: this radio commercial might not be in your area, so there)

Announcer: AirTran Airways provides low fares, XM Radio, and comfortable flights to many popular destinations. And if that wasn't enough, we can now guarantee that THIS will never happen:

14B : Lets see...14B...ah, this is my seat.

14A: I'm Bob Jenkins, and I'll be sitting next to you today!

14B: Um, ok...could you move over some, my wife's sitting next to me--


14B: --Yeah, right, three...anyways, she has a broken arm, and needs some room.

14A: With grit and determination, this courageous competitor TAKES THE SEAT!

14B:, do you know where the headphones are? No, wait, here they are, under my seat.


Announcer: AirTran Airways, promising you low fares, comfortable flights, and no boistrous former ESPN employees.

14A: You're with me, leather!


Ask Dr. Datsun Sports Car from the 70's

Its Commercial Parody Week! Part 4

Dr. Z: Willomekkin! Velcome to Ask Dr. Z, vith your host, me, DaimlerChrysler Chairman, Dieter Setsche. Lets go to ze phones--Mike in Delevare, vat would you like to know?

Mike: Hi, Dr. Z, long-time first-time. I live near your Newark assembly plant--is there anything you can do about the cop who always sits outside the plant entrance? He's almost pulled me over about a dozen times.

Dr. Z: Sorry, Mike, but ve here at Chrysler have the utmost respect for ze good police officers of Newark, Delavare. Maybe you should try slowing down a bit?

Mike: Well, maybe your company shouldn't have used slave labor in the 40's.

Dr. Z: On zat note, I vill end the zegment. Mike, I vill kill you.


That's Life

Its Commercial Parody Week! Part 3

(Kenny Schrader and Brian Vickers sit around the set of "Inside Nextel Cup")

Kenny: Well, I'm not gonna promote it.

Brian: Well, I'M not gonna promote it.

Kenny: Well, who are we gonna get to promote it?

Brian: Lets get Mikey, he'll promote anything.

(lights come on, cameras roll)

Dave Despain: Annnnd we're back. Before we get to my latest profanity-laced tirade, Michael Waltrip has indicated that he has something to say.

Waltrip: Thanks, Dave. You know, alotta guys say its "whack" for anyone to "tap the bottle". But I still think its "off the hook" to "pour one on the curb" for "my brothas". Colt .45: It works every time!

Kenny: He pimped it! Hey Mikey!

Harvick, Take Me Away!

Its Commercial Parody Week! Part 2

Nascar Official: How do you make your cars so fast, Mr. Harvick?

Mr. Harvick: Ancient Earnhardt Secret.

Mrs. Harvick (in the garage): My husband, some hot shot. Here's his ancient Earnhardt secret: Cheating! Cheating combines the competitive spirit of Nascar with the duplicity of the Tour de France. In fact, Cheating can help your car run up to 30% faster than the rest of the field!


Mrs. Harvick: (beating on the car with a sledgehammer) We need more Cheating!

Nascar Official: Ancient Earnhardt Secret, Huh!


Whatever Happened to Mai Ling?

Its Commercial Parody Week! Part I

Why do I race for DEI? Because of Tony Eury, who makes all the bad pit calls. Because of "all the boys back at the shop", who give me bad engines. And 'cause of my pit crew, who hold me up in the pits. So all I have to do, is DRIVE...a 30th-place car to a 10th place finish.
Call DEI...we'll let you down.


Bill Weber's Commentary for the Last 10 Laps

And so Jimmie Johnson, looking for his first win at Indy...he grew up longing to race here...wanted to make it in Indy cars, Rick Mears was his hero...he was almost expelled from high school for impersonating A.J. Foyt...he started racing at the age of 18 months...he was the 22nd of 23 children...his mother sold her spleen to buy his first set of tires...he moved into motocross, but was permenantly banned when he mistakenly called it "motorcross"...I talked with Jimmie this morning, about all he's been through...constantly being mistaken for an NFL coach...coming from a town whose name sounds like "Al Capone"...this has been an emotional week for Jimmie...on Friday he found out that he'd lost his cellphone of 3 years...he was forced to go through the whole day out of contact with his friends until a replacement could be found...(awkward pause)...Jimmie Johnson, going for the win...the win here at Indy...Johnson holding the lead at this magical track...Johnson going for the win...CRASH ON THE BACKSTRETCH!


Indy "News" and Notes: Special Report

My favorite things in life go in this order:
1. Nascar
2. Football
3. Making fun of Nascar
4. Making fun of football
5. Pottery

So I received a glorious gift this week when I found out that Randy Moss' "Inta Juice" franchise will be sponsoring Jeff Green on Sunday. With that, lets take a special All-Moss look at this week's race:

Inta Juice, part-owned by NFL star Randy Moss, joins Haas Racing as primary sponsor this week at the Brickyard. Its nice to see that, after years of associating with thieves and convicts, Randy's finally partnering up with a law-abiding man like Gene Haas.

Randy Moss' face will be featured on the quarter-panels of the 66 Chevy. Randy Moss on someone else's car--that's strange, since usually its someone else (oh, lets say a cop) on Randy Moss' own car.

Reportedly, driver Jeff Green's favorite Inta Juice variety is the Mango-Melon Madness (with extra vitamin-C, of course). Moss' favorite, however, is something known as "The Tron Special".

Surprisingly, Moss has proven to be quite the Nascar expert, particularly on the Busch Series career of J.J. Yeley. Specifically, Moss has said he has always appreciated sponsors like Vigoro for their "mind-blowing grass".

3:1 Randy Moss will appear at the race.
10:1 Randy Moss will get mistaken for Bill Lester at the race.
50:1 Randy Moss will appear with a Rabbi, saying he's now "Inta-Jews".


Advertising Nights

Nascar has been advertising "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" more than anything in the sport's history. Besides the normal, run-of-the-mill methods, lets take a look at some of the more unique ways of promoting this film:

--Changed name of this week's race to "The Allstate Accident Forgiveness 500 at the Brickyard, Presented by Talladega Nights, a Columbia TriStar Production".

--Scrolling electronic marquee of theater times on Kenny Wallace's forehead.

--Issuing various press releases ensuring fans that, unlike "Days of Thunder", this movie will be more realistic, less overly dramatic, and will NOT spawn a hatable diecast conglomerate.

--Tried to get Michael Waltrip to promote the movie. When Michael refused*, locked Michael up in the abandoned limestone mine.

--Considering having a car painted in the livery of the movie for one race; considering calling it a "Special Paint Scheme".

--Wild Hollywood party at Allen Bestwick's!

--Reminding fans that, if they DON'T see the movie, it could be Will Ferrell in the Subway ads in 10 years.

*Turns out he already has a deal in place to promote "Snakes on a Plane".


A Special Announcement from Michael Waltrip

“Hi there, I’m Michael Waltrip, driver of the #55 Napa hot rod. In case you haven’t heard from my select appearances on Inside Nextel Cup, Trackside Live, Nascar Live!, Tradin’ Paint, and ER, I’m switching to a brand new car next year, the Toyota Camry.
“Now, a lot of you guys might be thinking, ‘hey, Mikey, what’s with the change to a foreign manufacturer?’ Well, as the chip planted in my skull has instructed me to say, Toyota employs thousands of Americans across the country, working hard to build the best cars and trucks any…any…any…any…any…(smacks head) anywhere.
“I realize that, despite my sparkling personality and world-class smile, some of you might still dislike me for one reason—switching to Toyota and racing a Camry. Well, I’ve decided to band together with my Toyota buddies to change your mind. Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m proud to announce the founding of the National Association for the Acceptance of Camry People. That’s right—the NAACP!
“Now, we haven’t worked out all the kinks yet, but we’ve come up with some cool ways to show your support for the NAACP at Nascar races. First, we want to show that we’re united as one, like fingers on a clenched fist. Also, we’ve chosen black as our symbolic color, since we want to ‘burn the field’ like a hot black car interior. So whenever you see us racing around the track, be sure to raise your fist and yell ‘BLACK POWER! BLACK POWER!’
Since I already worked as campaign manager for Kyle Petty earlier this year, I’m ineligible to be the organization’s president. So is Brian Vickers, due to age restrictions. So, instead, we’ve decided to hire the next-biggest name in Toyota Racing. So next year, be sure to be on the lookout for the NAACP, lead by Bill Lester!”