Talladega "News" and Notes

Elliott Sadler won the pole for this weekend's race at Talladega. Sadler hopes this will improve his chances of attaining his ultimate goal: to leave the orbit of the earth while wrecking at Talladega.

Hall of Fame Racing is reportedly close to signing Ward Burton. When asked about this, Joe Gibbs called Ward Burton's fans "The ugliest fans anywhere".

Michael Waltrip hired Ty Norris to manage his theme park. Yes, Michael Waltrip is working on a theme park. A FREAKIN' THEME PARK BUILT AROUND MICHAEL WALTRIP.

Last week's race had a minor controversy when Jimmie Johnson and Kyle Busch's cars were found to be above the legal height. The last driver to get in trouble for being too high was Shane Hmeil.

After being caught up in wrecks in each of her first two races, Erin Crocker should have better luck at the slower, more stable Talladega race.

ODDS:
4:1 Ryan Newman's 12 car will be referred to as a "Single-Car Team".
10:1 Bill Weber will refer to "The Little Big One".
100:1 Nothing will be thrown on the track following the race.

The Neverending Dichotomy of a New York Giants/Nascar Fan

Joe Gibbs is a great guy. He's great to talk to and a class act.

But I still hate the Redskins.

Joe Gibbs got Dale Jarrett his first Daytona 500 win, one of the greatest moments in Nascar TV history. He's won championships with two superstar drivers. His cars are always running well and legal.

But I still hate the Redskins.

Joe Gibbs brought credibility to the sport. He brought in sponsors like Interstate Batteries, The Home Depot, and FedEx. He brought in a respectful driver with personality in Bobby Labonte, and a bat out of hell in Tony Stewart.

But I still hate the Redskins.

Joe Gibbs always gives back. He has worked tirelessly to expand Nascar's minority outreach program. He's always been generous with charities. He's helping bring Troy Aikman into the sport...wait, Troy Aikman? He's a Cowboy.

Its still OK for me to hate the Redskins.

The Johnson-Elliott Feud--A Timeline

1991: Elliott, a former Winston Cup champion, goes to work as a driver for Junior Johnson, a champion owner in his own right.

1992: Elliott and Johnson narrowly miss out on losing the championship to Alan Kulwicki.

1994: Elliott leaves Johnson's team to start his own operation. Johnson was outwardly supportive, though insiders said he was furious that Elliott was leaving him behind.

1995-2000: The feud simmers through numerous on-track incidents. However, these pale in comparison to what happened when salty snacks were introduced into the mix.

February 2001: Johnson starts his own line of pork rinds, pork cracklins', and the like.

April 2001: Elliott distributes a videotaped image of an anonymous man choking on one of Johnson's products. Bad publicity puts Johnson's business on the brink of bankrupcy, until it is revealed that the "choker" was longtime Johnson agitator Brett Bodine.

August 2001: Johnson works behind the scenes to take away Elliott's biggest on-track advantage--teammate Casey Atwood. Atwood receives an undisclosed amount of money from Johnson, and in exchange enters purgatory (working for Jim Smith).

December 2001: Elliott releases a rap album entitled "His Johnson is Junior". The bulk of the album slams Johnson's career, driving, and snack ingredients, while the track "J.J. is not Awesome" becomes a minor club hit.

April 2002: Elliott is arrested for poisoning several batches of Johnson's pork rinds. He spends 2 years in jail on a work-release program. Elliott is oddly tight-lipped for this period.

May 2004: Johnson, most the receiver of the barbs until this point, refers to Elliott as a "clown" in an interview with Nascar Scene. He also insinuates that Elliott nearly died in prison "without his beloved McDonalds".

July 2004: Elliott, in a profanity-laced press conference, announces the release of his own brand of pork rinds. Johnson, when interviewed about this, simply replies "he will NOT succeed".

October 2004: Johnson is caught on security cameras dumping boxes of Elliott's jerky into a nearby river, a move now known as the "South Boston Tea Party". Johnson spends several weeks in jail for his actions.

January 2005: A fight erupts when Elliott's entourage collides with Johnson's crew at a Charlotte charity benefit concert. Known Elliott henchmen Jerry Nadeau and Jeremy Mayfield are arrested for repeatedly attacking Johnson's right-hand-man, Darrell Waltrip.

March 2005: An attempt at a reconciliation meeting, coordinated by Ray Evernham, goes nowhere.

July 2005: Elliott starts his new ad campaign, "Junior is just that: Junior". Johnson, when reached for comment, vows retribution.

September 2005: The shooting occurs (see below).

Johnson Shoots Elliott in Pork Rind Retaliation

The Nascar-related snack food wars escalated again yesterday, with Junior Johnson firing a .44 magnum at arch-rival--and former protege--Bill Elliott. Elliott remains in the hospital but is not seriously hurt.
The incident occurred in a Charlotte-area Albertson's store, where Johnson was unveiling a new line of fat-free pork cracklins. Elliott stormed into the event, referring to Johnson as "yesterday's news" and "as dried up as my jerky".
Johnson responded by firing his weapon--Johnson has been known to carry many guns since a scuffle broke out with Elliott's crew at this year's snack expo in Orlando. He was immediately tackled by store personel, who subdued the flailing Johnson to screams of "Awesome ain't nothing!" and "I'm gonna get that clown!"
Johnson was arrested and booked at the Jimmy Spencer Memorial Penitentary outside Mooresville. He was released after known Johnson hitman Hut Stricklin posted his $25,000 bail.
Elliott himself is no stranger to trouble. He spent a night in prison after slashing the tires on Johnson's "Pork Rind-Mobile" in late 2004. In addition, the recent attack on Johnson's factory by Mike Ford was believed to have been Elliott-backed.
With both food-magnates facing upcoming court-dates, it is believed that the heated pork rind war could calm down for a few weeks. However, everyone close to the situation knows that here, its not just the spices that are hot. Its the rivalries.

Don't Panic

After several months of working on this website, I have stumbled upon an answer to the question I've been after for over ten years.

What is Nascar? What is the meaning of it? What is it all about?

I've spent countless hours trying to figure it out, pouring over philosophies, opinions, and cold-hard facts. I looked at every side of the issue, over and over again, but to no avail.

Then it happened. Like a ton of bricks it hit me.

The answer to the ultimate question is...Jamie McMurray.

Another "Weird Mike" Mackler Song Presentation

Dover Preview Below this Post

To the tune of U2's "Beautiful Day", its a recap of my time today at Dover Downs

The track is so huge
A concrete giant mile
Looks real cool
I think I'll stay for a while
I'm in the pits
All my favorite drivers are down there
I'm offa work
And I shouldn't really have a care
Hangin' withhhh my dad
"Hey, there just went The King"
Favorite place in the world
Except for one thing...

It's a really hot day
Sky's blue and cloudless
It's a really hot day
I'm like a Mike Fillet

There's no shade
In this boiling hot destination
My face is red
And my pants are all persperation
The fluids will flow
Yes I know that they aren't cheap, too
But I'll keel over
And I won't get a chance to sue
It's a beautiful day
The sun came out to play
It's a beautiful day

Don't touch me
Dizzy, my name I forgot
Help my skin
I got a bad case of crotch rot

What I need is a cold soda now
What I need is some cold milk from a cow
What I need is some Gatorade now
It was a REALLY hot day...

Tax-Free Dover "News" and Notes

Michael Waltrip announced that he and sponsor NAPA will be joining Bill Davis racing in 2006. This announcement was made to 2 local reporters and a janitor.

Ryan Newman swept the poles today for the Busch and Cup races. Yeah, but can he WIN? Oh, right, he can.

Announcers always mention a Dover-area seafood restaurant named "Sambo's" (which I've never been to or seen). That a restaurant can be named "Sambo's" in this day in age is amazing. I salute you, politically incorrect proprietors!

Ray Lewis will act as the grand marshall for Saturday's Busch race. Afterwards, he'll deny ever being there then cop a plea bargin to obstruction of justice.

There's been rumors about it, but I have confirmed it with my own two eyes. Ladies and Gentlemen...JEFF FULLER IS BACK!!!

ODDS:
EVEN--Bill Weber will call the track "Bristol-like".
2:1--Attendees of the race will run to the bathrooms after trying Grotto's Pizza.*
100:1--Anyone will miss me being there (cue violin).

*--Local joke

Headin' Down to Dover (Gonna Have Myself a Time)

The Outside Groove makes its 2nd ever trip to the track over the next two days, as I go to the pits on Thursday (hopefully) and Friday. I won't be there over the weekend on account of my new job. So the drivers will have to come up with their own obscure jokes. Needless to say, no article tomorrow, though I'll make up for it with some good stories...hopefully.

A True Story

Lets take a break from all the fighting to examine something truly...bizzare. Rusty Wallace's Retirement Fund Tour makes a stop this Thursday at The Big Kahuna, a large nightclub in Wilmington, DE. Performing that night on the "Kahunaville Summer Stage" is, I kid you not, Eddie Money. Yes, that Eddie Money. I have literally no idea what they have in common besides this appearence, so lets take a comparison look at them, Rusty Wallace and Eddie Money:

Eddie Money first worked as a cop in New York City. Rusty Wallace polices the field for those who are not giving him respect. Coincidence?

Eddie Money's first hit was "Two Tickets to Paradise". Rusty Wallace watches every episode of the E! channel show "Taradise" twice. Coincidence?

Eddie Money's biggest hit was "Take me Home Tonight", recorded with Ronnie Spector. Rusty Wallace's biggest hit was a water bottle to the head of Dale Earnhardt. Coincidence?

Eddie Money earns regular radio airplay with "Baby Hold On". Rusty Wallace told Brendan Gaughan "Baby, hold on...Ryan should be fired any day now, and then the team is ours. OURS!" Coincidence?

Eddie Money's real last name is Mahoney. Rusty Wallace's favorite actor is John Mahoney. Coincidence? (Probably not, I mean, how could you NOT like John Mahoney?)

Eddie Money's most famous video was shot in an empty arena. A recent autograph session for Rusty Wallace resulted in an empty arena. Coincidence? Oh wait, that was an autograph session for MIKE Wallace.

Robby Gordon Fires Robby Gordon

In response to his shocking actions during the Sylvania 300 on Sunday, Robby Gordon has fired Robby Gordon from Robby Gordon Motorsports.
"We felt like this was the best move for our team", owner Robby Gordon explained, "We here at Robby Gordon Motorsports do not condone what Robby Gordon did during the race, or following the incident in an interview with TNT. He had to be let go."
Gordon, when reached for comment, was understandably upset with the move.
"That guy's a piece of ----", Gordon yelled. "We were just starting to turn this team around. Mikey better have some darn good Aarons stuff for me, because I bet that that crook Robby Gordon's gonna stiff me on my contract."
Gordon's sponsors are believed to be in support of Gordon's decision to fire Gordon. "We here at Jim Beam stand fully behind Robby Gordon, and condemn the actions of his driver, Robby Gordon", the company issued in a prepared statement. "We are looking to the future with Robby Gordon Motorsports, without Robby Gordon."
Off-road racer Robby Gordon is expected to drive the car this week at Dover.

The Big Fight

Llllllllladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the MAIN EVENT! Are you ready? I said, are...you...rrrrrrrrrrrrready?!?

In this corner, wearing the red trunks with white trim, weighing in at 98lbs. Hailing from an unnamed settlement in Washington State. He has been called the Great Clipper, the Dodge Charger, and the Young Gigalo...ladies and gentlemen, Kasey Kahne!

And in this corner, wearing the blue trunks with gold trim, weighing in at 97lbs. Fighting out of Las Vegas, Nevada, the birthplace of organized crime. He's known as Tony the "Tiger", The Mach 5, and the Shlubby Shrub...ladies and gentlemen, Kyle Busch!

And now, for the thousands in attendance, the millions watching around the country, and for the dozens watching outside of the US...ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLETTS GET READY TO STUMBLE!!!

Another "Weird Mike" Mackler Song Presentation

To the tune of "Beast of Burden" by the hottest new band today, The Rolling Stones

I wanna be the next Dick Berggren
I'll interview, without no urgin'
All I want is a job with Fox or NBC

I will be the next Dick Berggren
I'll walk the pits, when my feet hurtin'
All I want is a job with FX or TNT

Am I smart enough
Am I tough enough
Am I cool enough
I'll even wear that hattttttt

I wish that I could be Dick Berggren
Do a good job, of that I'm certain
Maybe on the radio
But better on the TV

Am I smart enough
Am I tough enough
Am I cool enough
I'll work all the time, like Matttttt

Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, car
You’re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty car
Pretty, pretty
Such a pretty, pretty, pretty car

I’ll tell ya
You can put me out
In the pits
Put me out
With no notes in my mits
But, put me out, put me out
Producer please

New Hampshire "News" and Notes

--The Chase has officially begun. With a 10 race Nextel to the finish, its just like the NBA! Well, without the violence, rape and murder.

--Bill Davis has prepared to bring his 2nd Cup team back full-time in 2006. Rumors have Michael Waltrip in the ride. Wow, Michael Waltrip AND Scott Wimmer?!? Talk about a Dream Team!

--Since Kyle Petty has been feeling ill this week, another Green brother was spawned Thursday night to practice the car today.

--Kevin Harvick will be staying with RCR in 2006, promising another year of whining and mediocrity.

--A.J. Foyt IV has been rumored to take over the Claude Akins Motorsports car in 2006. There's two jokes here:
1) It remains to be seen if he will also get Tyler Walker's dirt pile.
2) Foyt IV plans to celebrate by beating the crap out of Arie Lyundyk VII

ODDS
3:1 New Hampshire will become a nice long nap for you. Sleeeeeeeeeeep.
12:1 NBC will be able to avoid making a Red Sox reference.
50:1 The "Wally's World" guest will be somebody BESIDES Johnny Damon.

A Very Special Edition of The Outside Groove

Transcript of a Recent NBC Broadcast

Weber: "There's a great BATTLE going on out there, with GORDON and JUNIOR battling FOR THE LEAD."

BP: "I know, but we have GOT to talk about my brother Phil. I mean, the fact that he doesn't have a ride right now is UN-believable. He's got all the talent in the world, and all he has to do is have a great ride to prove it in. Speaking of which, Phil and I will be appearing in a series of commercials together for RentWay rental centers. RentWay--we put you back on track!"

Later, after the race, Darrell Waltrip has a heart-to-heart with Benny...

DW: "What is this? Where did you get this stuff? Where did you learn it was acceptable to promote your brother like that?"

BP: "YOU! I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!"

Talk to your announcers about accountability today.

Fall Movie Preview--Part II

A further look at the Nascar-related movies that you'll be dragging your girlfriend to this fall.

The Fog: What happens when EVERY Nascar driver does burnouts after a win? Environmental disaster, that's what.

Good Night, and Good Luck: Jeff Gordon tries to make it through Richmond without wrecking. A heartbreaking tragedy.

Where the Truth Lies: Jayski is brought before a Senate subcomittee on accusations that he revealed locations of the US Army (hint: the hood of Joe Nemechek's car).

Jarhead: Can Jeremy Mayfield get a haircut from this decade? More importantly, will his gigantic dog accept him?

The Matador: The title character takes his act to the track. He's killed instantly.

Derailed: The story of Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s 2005 season.

Get Rich or Die Tryin': Can a kid from the tough city streets make it in the gentrified world of Nextel Cup? Answer: No.

Fall Movie Preview--Part I

The folks at IMDB don't want you to know the truth. EVERY movie coming out this fall is following in the footsteps of the Oscar-nominated blockbuster Herbie: Fully Loaded. That's right, its another round of Nascar-related and Nascar-centric movies (and films)! Lets take a gander:

Thumbsucker: Hendrick Motorsports signs a 3-year old to a developmental deal. But what do they do when the sponsor wants him in the car by 2007?

Just Like Heaven: Jack Roush tries to explain to his Ford counterparts what its like to make the Chase.

The Thing About my Folks: Mike Mackler explains how his parents wound up becoming Robby Gordon and David Stremme fans.

G: Nascar's attempts to enter the urban market. A slapstick comedy!

Proof: Rick Hendrick is forced to convince Jeff Gordon that, in fact, he didn't make the Chase.

Roll Bounce: Just 2 hours of looped footage of Martin Truex Jr. running on the wall.

The Greatest Game Ever Played: A rain delay, a boomstick, and a ball of tape leads to a magical game of stickball in the pits.

In Her Shoes: Wally Dallenbach gets in touch with his feminine side. Again.

Waiting...: Jeez, how long can a pre-race be?!?

More Tomorrow

The New Inside Nextel Cup

Speed Channel unveiled their new format for "Inside Nextel Cup" tonight. Here's the changes you might have noticed in the first episode:

--"Youth factor" added with the addition of Dave Despain.

--Expert insight into the upcoming Chase for the Cup from three drivers who had no chance of making the Chase for the Cup.

--Brian Vickers' "Fru Crew" transforms Michael Waltrip's hair into the world's 3rd-largest free-standing structure.

--Daily Show reporters banned from the premises.

--New host Dave Despain promises to focus on the news people want to hear about, like motorcycle racing and CART.

--Jimmy Spencer beat with a fraternity paddle at the end of every episode.

--"Hot Seat" now a literal hot seat--200 degrees max.

--Musical numbers, slap-happy comedy, and dancing dancing DANCING!

Where Does the Money Go? SPECIAL EDITION

This week: Nascar on NBC

14% Fact checkers for Bill Weber's "you don't have to look it up, because we just did" segments.

26% Fact fabricators to make Wally Dallenbach look qualified for the job.

10% Mail bombs sent to Fox, every hour on the hour.

8% Payments to Pro Beach Volleyball for constantly missing the first 5 minutes of their matches.

17% Wardrobe coordinators to make sure no one wears a TNT uniform on an NBC race. Penalty? Death!

16% Tasers to keep Ken Squire from breaking into the announcers booth.

9% Hair spray for Bill Weber.

0% Hair spray for Benny Parsons.

Another "Weird Mike" Mackler Song Presentation

(This is a song that's been floating around in my head for some time now, ever since I saw "This is Spinal Tap" on DVD. Take from it what you will.)

In ancient times,
before the dawn of the Internet,
Lived a bored group of people
Cornballs
Who were they,
and...what were they thinking?
No one knows
But their legend lives on,
Inside the folk art sculpture...of Carhenge

Carhenge, where the tourists go
Where the open 9-5 'cept for snow
Carhenge
Where the giftshop is and the owner lives, with his wacky miss
Carhenge
Tis an oddball mix, where the kids are free
If they're under six
Carhenge
Where free parking be
And you get a pic, for a tiny fee

And oh how they talked, the bored owners of Carhenge
'neith the Great Plains sky
to the visitors
and the creepy guy

And where are they now?
the oddball cornballs of Carhenge?
And what would they say to us
If we lived nearby...

Richmond "News" and Notes--And another new article below

First an explanation...
My new job, while better paying (more money to buy Kyle Petty records!) has me working long hours on Fridays. As a result, I sometimes fall into this schedule:
8:00pm--Get home from work
8:01pm--Check email
8:02pm--Sleep
So rather than fall behind on posts, I'll be experimenting with some "Double Post Thursdays"--the other post I did today a few hours ago is right below this one. Enjoy!

Richmond "News" and Notes
--The Chase comes down to this race, this one race, and nobody better screw it up. Robby Gordon, I'm looking in your direction.

--Ryan Newman is just one point out of 10th place in the Nextel Cup Point Standings. Meanwhile, the man he's behind, Jaime McMurray, is reportedly dating Newman's arch-enemy (and teammate) Rusty Wallace's daughter. Folks, you can't make this up, but NBC CAN mess it up by focusing on Junior the entire race.

--Jack Roush unloaded Team Caliber this week, putting the future of 1/24 boxes that are impossible to close in jeopardy.

--David Stremme makes his second Cup start this weekend. Meanwhile, Tim Fedewa is softly crying in his bathroom.

ODDS
3:1 You'll realise the hypocracy of Green Day being featured on Brian Vickers' car (I guess they ARE "a part of a redneck agenda.")
8:1 Dale Jarrett will race the truck, complete with a "special delivery" for Ryan Newman.
20:1 Benny Parsons will refrain from ending the night's commentary with "...Wow."

The Heirarchy of Nascar

Ever wonder what the pecking order of America's fastest-growing sport is? Here's a helpful primer, from least-powerful to most:

Field Filler: The lowest of the low, caring only about money and scant tv-time. Is often seen around Pontiacs, one-race sponsorships and crappy websites. Distinguishing characteristic--firesuit featuring a sponsor from 5 years ago.

Stroker: Local guy trying to make it big. The most mobile of the classes, with the ability to become the next Dale Earnhardt or Burt Reynolds. Distinguishing characteristic--dog-eared copy of the Nascar rulebook.

Racer: Tough guy with a no-nonsense personality. Has lots of friends on the track and undying respect of his competitors. Distinguishing characteric--raced-version diecast cars from Action.

Racer's Racer: Very rare--in fact, only one (Ken Schrader) still exists today. Is the kind of guy you're required to like if you become a fan. Distinguishing characteristic--owns his own short-track.

King: One-of-a-kind, usually behind elaborate dress of sunglasses, cowboy hat, belt buckle, and boots. Typically surrounded by autograph seekers who otherwise would be in a nursing home. Distinguishing characteristic--ability to live down using the word "coloreds" in a Real Sports interview.

Headlines From Hell With A Vengance

Brian France buys Action/Dale Earnhardt Jr. Given Waiver into Chase

Announcer Refers to Online Poker Sponsor by ".com" Name, is Immediately Fired

Bill Davis at Nascar Fundraiser: "Brian France Doesn't Care about Toyota Owners."

Jimmie Johnson and Rick Hendrick Start Racing School: The Jimmie-Hendrick's Experience

The Waynes Bros.: "No, seriously, we ARE starting a team."

Kyle Busch Caps First Win with Celebratory O'Douls

Nascar, Kentucky Settle Lawsuit; Kentucky to get 12 Cup Dates in 2006

Nascar PR Trying to Pawn Off Richmond Intl. Raceway as "The REAL Staten Island Track"*

Who will leave THIS Week on NBS 24/7?

and finally...

Ward Burton Releases Sex Tape to Boost Popularity

*--obscure joke

O.J. Simpson Starts Race Team

Following in the footsteps of such NFL players as Tim Brown and Jim Kelly, former Buffalo Bills star O.J. Simpson has announced the formation of a race team for the 2007 season.
Simpson announced the move at a press conference near his Miami home. "I am absolutely, 100% committed to making this dream a reality" Simpson said. "It might be hard working our way into the sport, but hey, as they say, 'If the glove fits'".
Simpson, who has named the team "Juice Motorsports" after his famous nickname, was surrounded by a litany of crewmembers. Simpson referred to the group as his "Dream Team."
"I have a number of sponsors that's I'm talking to", Simpson explained, "for instance, Ford Bronco, Bruno Maglio, and my old pals at Hertz. Well, Hertz hasn't returned my calls, but I'm sure its because they're on vacation."
Simpson expects the team to debut in the Busch Series. He says that he has yet to find a suitable driver, and will spend the entire 2006 "looking for the real driver."
Simpson was also quick to assert his devotion to the venture, saying that there is no way that he would "kill the team." However, Simpson DID quantify that, ".... Even if I did this, it would have to have been because I loved it very much, right?"

Another "Weird Mike" Mackler Song Presentation

When one thinks about California and the band The Eagles, the song "Hotel California" naturally comes to mind. We here at The Outside Groove, however, do not condone a song that focuses on drug addiction. So here's a parody of a much more family appropriate song, "Tequila Sunrise":

It’s another Fontana sunrise
Monday morning right after the race, might miss the Chase
He was just a hired hand
Workin’ on a championship run
That's mostly done

So at Richmond when the sun goes down
Anything but a win will bring a frown
While he's runnin' rounnnnnnnnd

It'll be a wasted season
Sponsor knockin' at the owner's door
Won't pay no more
Oh, and it’s a hollow feelin’ when
You're running out the string, the season ends
Not in New York

One more chance to make it happen
Wonder if the wins will ever come
You feel so dumb
It’s another Fontana sunrise,
Could be worse,
No need to mope,
'Least you're not Cope

Last chance to sign up for The Outside Groove's Fantasy Football League!!!

The Stories Behind the Nicknames

Most of the nicknames for your favorite/least favorite drivers seem to be easy to figure out. That's what they WANT you to think. Well, here's the REAL stories:

Dale Jarrett--"DJ"--In the early-90's, Dale worked the burgeoning underground techno scene (primarily in downtown DC). He can be seen in the background of a Deelight music video.

Terry Labonte--"Iceman"--Back in Texas, Terry would make ends meet by hauling blocks of ice at supermarkets. When asked how hard this work was, Terry responded, "Yes".

Tony Stewart--"Smoke"--Tony's known as the "meat man" back home, where he sells assorted cured hams and roasts at reasonable prices.

Kevin Harvick--"Happy"--Kevin's a real baseball history buff, and there's no commissioner he likes more than Happy Chandler. Well, he also liked Ford Frick, but that would've been a contract conflict.

Jimmy Spencer--"Mr. Excitement"--Lets just say that this nickname was given by a very happy Mrs. Spencer. (Insert Enzyte joke here).

Ryan Newman--"Mr. Friday"--Stop by the South Bend, Indiana Bennigans on Friday evenings to see Ryan do the song stylings of Tony Bennett. No cover!

No Article, just Other Stuff

The Outside Groove's Fantasy Football League is getting ready to draft. The draft (auto-draft, that is) will happen Sunday or Monday night, depending on the number of teams. For info on how to sign up, click here.

Also, The Pits Online is running a slate of classic comix (that's comics to the layman) until its triumphant return. To see them, click here.

California "News" and Notes

--California Speedway was built on the industrial site used in the first Terminator movie for the "dystopic future" scenes. Because when you think of a world gone horribly wrong, you think of single-file racing with wide, sweeping turns.

--Fontana is not the first track in Southern California--Ontario Speedway held some races in the early 80's. And yes, I know that it had identical dimensions to Indy, so don't bother posting a comment about it. (Hey, its been a long day).

--Sebastian Bourdais has announced that he is taking a serious look at a move to Nascar. Welcome, Seb--if there's one thing Nascar fans love, its the French.

--Finally, Armando Fitz has made it official--he's trying to break the record for most primary sponsors in a season. (So far, and this is not a joke: Supercuts, Mike & Ike/Hot Tamales, Ferris/Snapper, Cottman Transmissions, Family Dollar, Elliot Gould's Pumps, Monaco Coaches, Family Dollar, JaniKing, and Navy).

ODDS
2:1 The "celebrities in the pits for the Busch Series race will make you say "what have THEY been doing for the past 10 years?"
4:1 The entire pre-race will be devoted to the fallout from Bristol.
50:1 Mike Smith will avoid doing a comic about how California racing fans are different from other racing fans. Because class warfare is FUNNY!

Fantasy Football--It's Here!

To all the readers of The Outside Groove, and those who just like looking at the pictures...well, the cool fonts--The Outside Groove Fantasy Football League has been formed! Its through Yahoo Sports (its required by law that everyone have a Yahoo account) and is free to join. First, go to http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/. Then, under "Free Fantasy Football (I'm cheap), click on "Join a League". After you enter your Yahoo ID, you'll be promted for the league ID and password. They are...
League ID: 598188
Password: tog
We'll be doing an auto-draft to minimize time spent wondering if Fred Taylor's hamstring will explode this year or next. Be sure to sign up ASAP as the season ain't far away.
Also, why football on a Nascar site? Well, I want all of my readers to experience the joy of flipping between three channels at once, and watching all of your teams and drivers LOSE ON THE SAME FREAKING WEEKEND!