The Heirarchy of Nascar

Ever wonder what the pecking order of America's fastest-growing sport is? Here's a helpful primer, from least-powerful to most:

Field Filler: The lowest of the low, caring only about money and scant tv-time. Is often seen around Pontiacs, one-race sponsorships and crappy websites. Distinguishing characteristic--firesuit featuring a sponsor from 5 years ago.

Stroker: Local guy trying to make it big. The most mobile of the classes, with the ability to become the next Dale Earnhardt or Burt Reynolds. Distinguishing characteristic--dog-eared copy of the Nascar rulebook.

Racer: Tough guy with a no-nonsense personality. Has lots of friends on the track and undying respect of his competitors. Distinguishing characteric--raced-version diecast cars from Action.

Racer's Racer: Very rare--in fact, only one (Ken Schrader) still exists today. Is the kind of guy you're required to like if you become a fan. Distinguishing characteristic--owns his own short-track.

King: One-of-a-kind, usually behind elaborate dress of sunglasses, cowboy hat, belt buckle, and boots. Typically surrounded by autograph seekers who otherwise would be in a nursing home. Distinguishing characteristic--ability to live down using the word "coloreds" in a Real Sports interview.