Daytona "News" and Notes--Special Dick Cheney Edition

Tomorrow, Dick Cheney will be in attendance for the Pepsi 400, paticipating in pre-race activities (whatever they are). In his honor, The Outside Groove does a special Cheney-themed preview of the race.

I was in attendance at the Washington Nationals home opener this year, where the reaction to Cheney was, approximately, "BOOOOOOOOOO!". However, Daytona is a much more conservative and, traditionally, pro-Republican area, so, the reaction should be more along the lines of, "BOOOOOOOOOO!"

Daytona is known for its heart-pounding action and heart-stopping wrecks, meaning that defibrulaters are being stationed around the track.

In the event of "the big one", Cheney will be moved to an undisclosed location.

Cheney is expected to spend most of the race screaming, tugging on his tie, and threatening to kill John Callipari. No, wait--that's JOHN Chaney.

Cheney was supposed to take a ceremonial lap around the track in Joe Nemechek's Army car, but somehow obtained several deferments.

Tony Stewart should be retroactively awarded the pole tomorrow morning, as Boris Said will be detained for "most likely" carrying weapons of mass distruction in his hair.

Somehow, Halliburton managed to bill Hendrick Racing $40,000 for a set of shocks.

ODDS:
2:1--Someone will hold up an "Impeach Cheney" sign.
5:1--Someone will hold up an "Impeech Cheyney" sign.
20:1--Someone will hold up an "Impeach Helton" sign.