700 American Revolutions Per Minute

By the end of the summer, GM will submit their new Chevy engine for 2007. Here's some of the new features available:

--Hybrid engine for longer races, and to appease Al Gore.

--Only 60% of the costs go to employee health insurance, instead of the previous model's 70%.

--Secret microchip shoots lasers at anyone wearing a Panama hat.

--With a lot of hard work and a little luck, it should be almost 3/4 as fast as Toyota's engine.

--It WASN'T built by Menards.

--Extra back-up pistons in case of failure (a late addition by Tony Stewart).

--Will be made round-the-clock to ensure back-stock for expected strikes in 2007, 2008 (May) and 2008 (June).

--At the behest of Nascar, employs NO cutting-edge technology of any kind.