Parody Writing: The Home Game

OK, everyone its time to play everyone's favorite game...
GUESS HOW LONG UNTIL THE ONION SPORTS DOES A JOKE ABOUT JUAN PABLO MONTOYA AS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN TAKING AMERICAN JOBS!*
Here's how to play:
1. Start out with 100 points.
2. Pick any date within the next 100 days.
3. For each day you were off, subtract that many points.
4. Bonus points? Oh mai oui!
--Featured on home page, not just the sports page: 50
--Times the phrase "area man" is used: 5 each
--Juan's referred to as a Mexican by mistake: 10
--Juan's career confused with Alex Zanardi's by mistake: 20
--References to George W. Bush: 5 each

OK, gang--place your bids today, and you could be the next big winner on...
GUESS HOW LONG UNTIL THE ONION SPORTS DOES A JOKE ABOUT JUAN PABLO MONTOYA AS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN TAKING AMERICAN JOBS!*



*--catchy title, no?