Why Won't McLaren Let Juan Pablo Montoya out of his Contract?

--Worried that he might go public about his romantic relationship with Andy Richter.

--Chip Ganassi still owes them that $5 he borrowed from the team director back in 1998 (don't think they've forgotten, Chip).

--He WANTS to leave, but can't say no to the free Johnnie Walker Blue.

--Every time Ganassi has a car ready for his, Stremme runs it into the wall.

--Well, they were all ready to let him go for a small fee, then Felix Sabates got on the phone. Now Felix isn't even allowed to leave North Carolina for some reason.

--Team still legally owns the name "Pablo"; Juan (name withheld) Montoya unwilling to give it up.

--F1 officials scared off by prospect of Larry MACreynolds calling it Team MAClaren.

--Afraid he might shame them by taking the prestigious Davis Motorsports ride.