Supreme (Court) Nascar

The Supreme Court doesn't hear just any case, oh no. This vaunted group of nine learned men and women hear only the most important, pressing, and precedent setting cases. Thankfully those include lots of Nascar-related lawsuits. Here's a rundown of this year's docket, inspired (ok, ripped off) from America the Book.

Fans of Nascar v. France
Fans of Nascar (FON, pronoucned "Fon") try to have Nascar chairman Brian France ousted from his position. FON's main defense "he sucks", is met with stauch opposition from France "shut up". France wins a unanimous decision after providing Clarence Thomas with Richmond pit passes.

John Doe v. Joe Smith
Two philosophical fans (names withheld), debate if, in fact, when the green flag drops, the bullshit stops. Exhaustive demonstrations and depositions result in a 5-3, confirming the slogan to be true. Breyer abstains.

Rhimes v. Rucker
Country singer LeAnn Rhimes and Hootie and the Blowfish frontman Darius Rucker visit the high court to determine who can sing the national anthem at the Coca-Cola 600. Case is dropped once Kelly Clarkson becomes available.

Loose v. Tight
Delayed indefinately after testimony by Benny Parsons went over standard 14-day limit.