An Editorial—Bush No, New Polycarbonates, Yes!

By Jeff Gordon
Dateline: Mere weeks before the 2004 Election
Hi, I’m Jeff Gordon, driver of the #24 DuPont Chevy. Recently reports have come out that, out of the 10 Chase for the Nextel Cup Drivers, I was the only one to not support President Bush’s campaign for reelection. This is true, and I am writing to you, the internet faithful, to formally give my support to DuPont’s revolutionary new product, Promaz!
Promaz is a revolutionary new compound that drastically reduces construction times in commercial and residential buildings. By combining the strength of wood with the durability of vinyl siding, it provides a security not found in other building materials OR Presidential candidates.
Developed by the good people at DuPont, Promaz can help YOUR bottom line—it comes in at over 15% cheaper than most building materials. In addition, it has a 30-year guaranteed warrantee—what candidate will make that kind of promise? I’ll tell you who—Promaz.
There has been much controversy lately about the mudslinging that has gone on through the media. Let me assure you that the claims being made by President Bush, Dick Cheney, USG Sheetrock, and Owens-Corning are baseless lies. Promaz is a product made by Americans, for Americans, and will surely enrich wealthy Americans, like my bosses.
In conclusion, be sure to cast your vote this November for Promaz building compounds, from DuPont. I’m Jeff Gordon, and I will approve this message once the check clears.