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1.03.2005

Robby Gordon punished with shunning, icy stares

Robby Gordon punished with shunning, icy stares
Dateline: Fall Dover, 2004
In a long awaited announcement, Nascar President Mike Helton announced that Robby Gordon will not be formally punished for his actions during the Nextel Cup race at New Hampshah Speedway. Instead, he will receive an informal array of glares, eye rolling, and cold shoulders.
“Its become obvious to us that the standard 25 point penalty won’t work in the new Nextel Cup Chase for the Championship”, Helton explained. “Instead, we’ve decided on a more incisive route for the other Mr. Gordon.”
Gordon’s penalty is, by nature, loose in definition, though it has started to take affect this weekend at Dover. The first such change was at the first Cup practice on Friday, when drivers greeted Gordon with monosyllabic greetings such as “Hi” and “Yo”.
“Robby might not be hurting on the outside, but he’s definitely crushed on the inside” said Jeremy Mayfield, one of the recipients of Gordon’s gaffe. “For instance, on Saturday Nascar had the PA Announcer SPECIFICALLY forget to introduce him for the Busch race. That’ll teach him to mess with the contenders.”
Other penalties have included a refusal of entrance for Gordon into the complementary Dover Downs Buffet, prolonged glares from teammates Kevin Harvick and Jeff Burton, and a pin placed on the seat of the 31 Chevy. Greg Biffle offered to have the National Guard boo Gordon at the final nine races of the year, but Nascar has yet to act on the offer.
When asked about his take on the situation, Robby Gordon gave us the finger, then walked away. Seen later, he was sitting in the corner of the garage, with a single tear running down his cheek.

In Next Week’s Issue:
Turn around your career in 26 races or less! By Casey Mears
Men’s Fashion with Handsome Harry Gant
Kerry (Earnhardt) drops (Carl) Edwards as running mate (in Talladega draft)

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