Jamie McMurray Completes Lifelong Dream of Winning 11th Place

Dateline: Just after the season ended
Children everywhere grow up with their own dreams—to be a cowboy, an astronaut, to win the World Series. Only a select few pursue those dreams into adulthood, and fewer still come close to succeeding. However, there are some, however infrequent, who make their dreams reality—those same dreams they acted out with their Hot Wheels on the living room floor.
Jamie McMurray lived out his dream this year. He finished 11th.
“My Lord, its amazing what can happen with hard work, dedication, and the right group of guys. This goes to show that if you follow your dreams, you too can make them happen”, an ebullient McMurray exclaimed at the 11th place banquet, held at the East Mooresville Comfort Inn Conference room B. “The Havoline’s gonna be flowin’ tonight!”
McMurray, one of NASCAR’s much-heralded “young guns”, used a combination of top-tens, top-twenties, and penalties to clinch his 11th place spot, which comes replete with a cash bonus and a trophy from Nextel (resembling a broken Motorola antenna). However, this year wasn’t without its challenges.
“Going into Richmond, we had a fighting shot to enter the Chase for the Cup. However, I guess the racing gods smiled down on us and gave us a dropped cylinder! Had it not been for that stroke of luck, I wouldn’t be preparing to ride the 4th—yes FOURTH—float in my hometown’s Boxing Day parade!”
McMurray says his team is planning for a repeat of this year’s performance, and hopes that Sterling remembers to bring the party balls to the after-party in the Comfort Inn Kaleidoscope Lounge.

In Next Week’s Issue:
Chris Myers revealed to be a robot…with nice hair
Ken Schrader enters Lakeland Elementary’s Frog Hop-a-lympics
European Casino sponsorship of Robby Gordon results in the Monte Carlo Monte Carlo