Entertainment and Sports Programming Network

Hey, remember the "Nascar Ride Along Program" ESPN commercials from the 90's? Huh?!? Well, they're brining them back. And guess who gets to star in 'em? ME! Yeah, it was tough, but sometimes it pays to have had a one-night-stand with Erin Andrews back in college. Anyways, here's the transcripts of some of my upcoming commercials:

Dale Earnhardt Jr.:
THE NASCAR RIDE ALONG PROGRAM PUTS MIKE IN THE ACTION!
Me: I know you're really into those video games, but I haven't played any of 'em since Bill Elliott's Fast Tracks.
Dale Jr.: Hey, man, that game was COOL! I got the camber just right on the Buick!
Me: Yeah, the Thunderbird was more my speed. So, think we can hang out later?
Dale Jr.: No.
NASCAR ON ESPN!

Jeff Gordon
THE NASCAR RIDE ALONG PROGRAM PUTS MIKE IN THE ACTION!
Me: Say, do you have any idea what your sponsor is doing at the "Experimental Station" up by my job?
Jeff: Uh, no...I mean, why would I know anything about that?
Me: Well, its just that I hear these really weird noises coming out of there...and last week I think I saw a creature jump about 20 feet in the air--
Jeff: Listen, Mike--you don't want to know how high this project goes. Now, lets just focus on the ride, and I won't have to kill you.
NASCAR ON ESPN!

Jimmie Johnson
THE NASCAR RIDE ALONG PROGRAM PUTS MIKE IN THE ACTION!
Me: Huh huh huh...Jimmie.
Jimmie: Come on, man, I haven't heard that since I was 12.
Me: Heh heh heh...Johnson.
Jimmie: OK, 15.
NASCAR ON ESPN!

Hey, remember the "Nascar Ride Along Program" ESPN commercials from the 90's? Huh?!? Well, they're brining them back. And guess who gets to star in 'em? ME! Yeah, it was tough, but sometimes it pays to have had a one-night-stand with Erin Andrews back in college. Anyways, here's the transcripts of some of my upcoming commercials:

Dale Earnhardt Jr.:
THE NASCAR RIDE ALONG PROGRAM PUTS MIKE IN THE ACTION!
Me: I know you're really into those video games, but I haven't played any of 'em since Bill Elliott's Fast Tracks.
Dale Jr.: Hey, man, that game was COOL! I got the camber just right on the Buick!
Me: Yeah, the Thunderbird was more my speed. So, think we can hang out later?
Dale Jr.: No.
NASCAR ON ESPN!

Jeff Gordon
THE NASCAR RIDE ALONG PROGRAM PUTS MIKE IN THE ACTION!
Me: Say, do you have any idea what your sponsor is doing at the "Experimental Station" up by my job?
Jeff: Uh, no...I mean, why would I know anything about that?
Me: Well, its just that I hear these really weird noises coming out of there...and last week I think I saw a creature jump about 20 feet in the air--
Jeff: Listen, Mike--you don't want to know how high this project goes. Now, lets just focus on the ride, and I won't have to kill you.
NASCAR ON ESPN!

Tony Stewart
THE NASCAR RIDE ALONG PROGRAM PUTS MIKE IN THE ACTION!
Me: You know, I used to think you were a jerk, but I can see that you're a really nice guy.
Tony: Thanks, man.
Me: I guess you just need to "climb a few fences", eh?
Tony: Wait...were you that hack idiot who wrote that article about me stealing the fence climbing thing?
NASCAR ON ESPN!