Bring Back "Boardwalk and Baseball"

Today ESPN announced its broadcasting team for 2007. Lets take a look at the roster:


Das Booth:
Dr. Jerry Punch (Play by Play): Punch returns to the Nascar world after a long hiatus, proving that if you stay in one place long enough, you WILL get promoted (Bob Jenkins, I'm looking in your direction). Best known for his pit reporting work back in the 90's, Dr. J also had a successful basketball career in the 70's with the ABA's New York Nets.

Rusty Wallace (Commentator): Rusty comes over to Nascar after one nonsensical year in IRL. While ESPN is no doubt looking for a non-whorish version of Darrell Waltrip, Rusty will ALWAYS be under the thumb of Doc. Remember, Punch saved Rusty's life in 1988. Rusty: "I don't know Jerry, I'd say that Junior's hot rod looks mighty stout today." Jerry: "Oh, I guess you can disagree with me, its not like I saved your life or anything. Oh wait, I DID. Why don't you go throw a water bottle at someone."

Andy Petree (Analyst): Petree has run the gamut in Nascar, as a driver (his own team and a few others), crew chief (for Dale Earnhardt) and owner (the non-Burt Reynolds affiliated Skoal Bandit). All that really matters, though, is if ESPN decides to give him a cooking segment called "The Petree Dish".


The Peach Pits:
Allen Bestwick: AB stays in the pits, which reminds us all of a VERY valuable piece of wisdom: NEVER play hockey.

Dave Burns: Expect Dave to get his own weekly forum for hard-hitting interviews with Nascar's movers and shakers, much like the Budweiser Hot Seat. The name? "Third-Degree Daves".

Jamie Little: I can honestly say I had no idea who this was until I wrote this article. But then I checked out her website. Wow--someone's gonna be in my dreams tonight--MOVE OVER DICK BERGGREN!

Mike Massaro: True story--I met Mike in the pits, and he had quite the winding road to the top. Here's the thing--he, like almost every other announcer in the motorsports world, started out working for Jack Arute. He's the Bill Walsh of Nascar pit reporters.


BristolWood Hotel:
Brent Musburger: As a teenager, Phil Hartman was one of my favorite actors. And the fact that he won't be able to reunite with Kevin Nealon to parody this choice of an anchor saddens me to no end.

Brad Daugherty: Oh great, just what we need--ANOTHER guy from North Carolina.

Frank(ie) Stoddard: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwk!

Shannon Spake: The fact that someone was actually hired away from Nascar Nation scares the crap out of me.