Bill Elliott Elected Pope

With throngs of well-wishers standing in St. Peter's Square, the head of the College of Cardinals emerged from the Bascillica with those most famous words, "We have a Pope". After just two days of deliberation, 1988 Winston Cup Champion Bill Elliott was overwhemingly elected to the papacy.
"This truly is a glorious day for the church, and the world", one onlooker explained. "Mr. Elliott has shown what he can do in a car, now its time to see what he can do as the pontiff."
Elliott was the heavy favorite going into the secretive conclave, having won numerous popularity votes over the years. Though the particulars of the voting are highly guarded, Vatican insiders supposed that Archbishop Scott Wilson of Dawsonville formally nomiated Elliott.
Crowds began gathering once pork-rind smoke began billowing out of the famed Bascillica chimney. After the announcement, Elliott greeted the crowd with his trademark grin.
"Aw, I'm just tickled to death to get this honor. I promise to serve the world and all my sponsors."
Elliott finished the day by announcing his new chosen name: Pope Awesome IX.