2007 Nextel Cup Championship Preview...Part 2

For Part 2, we look at the points standings from 13th through 20th place, the guys who wish the Chase was expanded to 70 drivers or so:

13. 2 Kurt Busch
Prediction: Kurt will deal with narrowly missing the Chase by picking up garbage on the side of an Arizona highway. Damn community service.
Bold Prediction: Bristol domination will continue, and so will simmering, barely contained rage from Jimmy Spencer.
Fun Fact: After last year’s successful surgery to pin his ears back, Kurt spent this off-season implanting a chip in his brain to make fans like him.

14. 11 Denny Hamlin
Prediction: Denny will continue his mastery of ALL Nascar tracks shaped like a triangle.
Bold Prediction: In support for the Washington Redskins, Denny is preparing to overspend, fail miserably, and refuse to deal with a legacy of racism (note: written by a lifetime New York Giants fan).
Fun Fact: Even Denny doesn’t know why his car is painted black.

15. 9 Kasey Kahne
Prediction: Kasey will retain his status as a teen idol. Meanwhile, Bill Elliott will retain his status as a geriatric idol.
Bold Prediction: Kasey’s season will spin out of control once he realizes how much Ray Evernham looks like a skinny Fred Willard.
Fun Fact: By virtue of his winnings in 2006, Kasey officially became the richest reality TV star of all time not affiliated with the USFL.

16. 25 Casey Mears
Prediction: Casey will score his first win, and it WON’T be by pissing off half of the Nascar fan base.
Bold Prediction: Casey’s win will electrify his 10 fans who don’t have another favorite driver.
Fun Fact: The dreaded Mears Gang is wanted on weapons charges in 14 states and 2 provinces.

17. 44 Dale Jarrett
Prediction: Dale will be the highest-finishing Toyota in the points standings, thusly making him the least-popular driver in the sport.
Bold Prediction: Toyota will go winless in 2007, prompting executives to invest 59 kajillion dollars for 2008.
Fun Fact: If Dale doesn’t put up big numbers this year, he could be forced to Race the Truck…for Germain.

18. 42* Juan Pablo Montoya (*--rookie)
Prediction: JPM WILL win a race in 2007. Its true. So get your angry, racist message board posts ready!
Bold Prediction: Juan Pablo will flatly deny that, for a period in the 90’s, he went by the nickname of “Monty BurnsRubber”.
Fun Fact: Texaco Havoline users everywhere will finally have someone they can relate to—a millionaire Columbian.

19. 26 Jamie McMurray
Prediction: Jamie will continue to be that driver who is considered a superstar, but hasn’t won in four years.
Bold Prediction: Jamie will become that driver who drives best over a few ice cubes, gently swirled.
Fun Fact: Jamie isn’t even the most famous person from his hometown of Joplin, Missouri—that title goes to Langston Hughes. Just another part in The Outside Groove’s Salute to Black History Month.

20. 43 Bobby Labonte
Prediction: Bobby will nearly win a race, but lose when he realizes how hideous his car looks with that paint scheme.
Bold Prediction: This just might be the year Bobby achieves his goal of meeting the Honey Nut Cheerios bee. Just might be. Just might.
Fun Fact: Bobby was nearly removed from the 43 car last year after giving an interview where he failed to say that Petty Enterprises was “…turning the corner”.

Part 3 Tomorrow