As Seen on ESPN2...

Announcer: "The Following is a Special Presentation of ESPN2, the Worldwide Leader in Poker...I mean, Sports."

Chris Berman: Live from New York, home of such champions as the Knicks and Giants, its the 2007 Nascar Nextel Cup Storyline Draft! I am your host today, Chris "Boomer" Berman--joined for the 10th straight year by senior ESPN2 Nascar storyline expert, Mel Mackler Jr.

Mackler: Great to be here, Chris--we're looking at an interesting draft for sure, lots of top storylines to go on out there, now we just gotta find out who goes with what.

Berman: OK, for those of you unfamiliar with the draft, here's how it goes: Each Nascar team gets to select one storyline to be defined by each year. Sportswriters are then required to play up that angle all year, no matter what the results on the track are. As you'll remember, Jimmie "Junior" Johnson scored a late-draft steal last year with "Team Under Pressure", a move that REALLY paid off for them, Mel.

Mackler: Absolutely right, Chris, it seemed like they just took the best storyline available last year, but it really stepped in once Chad Knaus went down with a four race suspension.

Berman: OK, the draft order was determined by a random lottery ball drawing, monitored by Kenny Wallace, who laughed every time the word "balls" was mentioned. The ping-pong balls bounced in the favor of Dale "Amelia" Earnhardt Jr. this year, and he's got the first pick.

Mackler: This is really a no-brainer here, lots of controversy, always under scrutiny, wildly popular, this is an obvious pick.

Berman: Lets go up to the podium, where commissioner Mike "Todd" Helton is ready with the first pick.

Helton: With the first pick in the 2007 Nascar Storyline Draft, Dale Earnhardt Jr. selects...Team with Something to Prove.

(audience cheers)

Berman: No surprises there, Mack.

Mackler: Not at all, Ber. Some are wondering if Junior is overhyped, maybe if all the off-track drama is getting to him, it'll be easy for writers to pigeonhole him this year as somebody with something to prove.

Berman: For the fan reaction, lets go down to the floor with the third man on our crew, Pat "Hurricane" O'Brien. Pat?

O'Brien: I'm Pat O'Brien, and I'm here with Junior fan Allen Salem--Al, what did you think of that first pick?

Salem: Oh, definitely a good move by Junior. He's a guy with something to prove, just like everyone else. He's a regular guy...you know, with lots of money. And a wild-west village in his back yard.

O'Brien. I'm Pat O'Brien, back to you.

Berman: Thanks Patty, now the second pick belongs to Denny "Kenny" Hamlin--how do you see this one going, Mike?

Mackler: Well, they have a couple of options. They could go with "Driver on the Rise", but Carl Edwards went that route last year, and it didn't help him one bit. One rumor has them trading down and possibly going with a "safe" pick, like "Chase Contender" or "Teammate of a Hothead."

Berman: Back to the podium, for Mike "Bat Out of" Helton.

Helton: With the second pick in the 2007 Nascar Storyline Draft, Denny Hamlin selects...Avoiding the Sophomore Jinx.

(audience cheers and oohs)

Berman: Ohhh, a bit of a surprise there, Hammy going for the swiss cheese there, Mike.

Mackler: There had been some talk about them going this route--its very high risk, high reward. Few drivers--or any athletes, for that matter--are able to avoid the sophomore jinx, if this pays off, they could be contending for the championship. All-in-all, they should get at least a few early season articles out of this one.

Berman: Back to the floor, Pat-Man.

O'Brien: I'm Pat O'Brien, and I'm standing here with Joe Gibbs himself--Joe, why the surprise move?

Gibbs: Well, this team is all about taking chances--last year people thought we were crazy picking "Driver Coming Back From an Injury", but look what it did for us? As long as we can repeat the 2006 Nascar season, and not the 2006 NFL season, we'll be fine.

O'Brien: Back to you, Chris.

Berman: From the obvious to the surprise, to the next pick--Ryan Newman holds the #3 pick after a late-season trade last year.

Mackler: That's right, Newman acquired the rights to Matt Kenseth's selection in exchange for five of Kenseth's robots. We've seen the robots put to use throwing eggs at Rusty Wallace's house, lets see how Newman uses this pick.

Berman: Back to the podium once more, with Mike Helton "of fun".

Helton: With the third pick in the 2007 Nascar Storyline Draft, Ryan Newman selects...Quiet Solid Season.

(crowd oohs and ahhs)

Berman: Ahhh, verrry interestink. Newman going the low-profile route, following in the footsteps of Jeff Burton, huh?

Mackler: I like this pick here, Chris. Newman was down last year, didn't get a lot of press--you can see what this storyline did for Jeff Burton last year. You won't see results from this pick for awhile, but I think it WILL pay off.

Berman: What do you got for us, Pitter Patter?

O'Brien: I'm Pat O'Brien, I called Roger Penske last night. I was asking about scheduling a meeting with him and my producer, lets call her, "Betsy". Well, one thing led to another, and now I have a restraining order. I'm Pat O'Brien.

Berman: We'lllllll be back from New York, after these words from Peyton Manning.


(To be continued)