I Hope Pat O'Brien Quotes This

As reported by Jayski and a couple of creepy celebrity websites, Burney Lamar has married former supermodel Niki Taylor. As two, um, celebrities, they signed a detailed prenuptial agreement before tying the knot. Here's some highlights of the paperwork:

--Ms. Taylor is forbidden from shopping at Dollar General, GM Goodwrech, Shell gas stations, or Wal-Mart (unless they drop the smiley face logo).

--Mr. Lamar retains soul ownership of a residence in Concord, North Carolina. He is, however, limited to no more than three Weekends at Burney's per year.

--Any children produced from this relationship shall be given an uppity, location-based name, as per Hollywood rules. Such acceptable names include (but are not limited to) Daytona Lamar, Talladega Lamar, Infineon Lamar, and Lamar Lamar.

--Ms. Taylor is not to engage in any physical altercations with one Nicole Lunders, unless captured on film by the Nascar on Fox crew.

--Mr. Lamar is to find suitable employment within the next six months.

--As a former supermodel from the 90's, Ms. Taylor is to stay at least 200 ft. from Shane Hmiel at all times.

--Mr. Lamar is not to use the fact that Ms. Taylor once dated an Arena League football player against her at any time.

--Ms. Taylor is not to use the fact that Mr. Lamar lost a Rookie of the Year race to Danny O'Quinn and John Andretti against him at any time.