Waltrip to the Lab

Nascar has announced that they will reveal the content of the gel-like substance in Michael Waltrip's engine next week. That hasn't stopped the Nascar community from buzzing as to what it might be. Here's some theories:

One Nascar commentator pointed to Waltrip's recent signing of Dr. Scholls as a sponsor as a clue. "Are you gellin', Michael?" "Like a rules felon, I'm gellin'!"

Several crew chiefs have said that the substance was, technically, legal, and was simply the results of putting 87 octane in a Nextel Cup engine.

Independent results from San Francisco's famed BALCO labs have identified two substances--old Eric Clapton albums and those unsellable Lucite diecast cars from the 90's. They've dubbed them "The Cream" and "The Clear".

A Nascar official (John Darby, wishing to remain anonymous), wondered aloud if it was all a simple mix-up of the car's oil cans and Mikey's hair gel.

"If you ever tried to solve an overheating engine by adding cooking oil...you might be a redneck."

A consensus has developed amongst many drivers that the actual source of the substance may never be found, seeing how the crew chief of the team is named Hyder.