The Outside Groove--A Press Conference

Good evening, loyal readers, new visitors and virulent commentors. Today it became public knowledge that Seattle Mariners pitcher Ryan Franklin was suspended 10 days for violating MLB's steroid policy. Mr. Franklin has been unreachable, though by looking at his ERA, you can tell that the steroids were not performance enhancing.
Now, before rumors hit the street, the record must the told. Yes, it is true that Mr. Franklin and I are from roughly the same town. And yes, it is true that he once subsitute taught my 10th grade Pre-Calculus class. However, that is where our relationship ended.
I have never knowingly injected steriods into my body. Anyone who has seen me in person will testify to that, while laughing that anyone would think that I was doing something to increase my muscle mass.
In addition, I have never used any banned substances during my writing "career". Many other writers may have violated Nascar's substance abuse policy--Rupen Fofaria (milkshakes), David Poole (raw sugar), and Douglas Ladd (meth) to name a few--I have stayed on the straight and narrow.
Now, it is true that, if a test was conducted, steroids would show in my bloodstream. Please know that this is from a PRE-EXISTING allergy condition, and can be found in any nosespray used by your garden variety nerd. The only roid rage I would ever had would be from sitting on the toilet too much.
Thank you for your time. Now we can return to focusing on the real menace to the sport: Paul Tracey.