Headlines from Hell...The Return

"First 1000 lap race to be held at Pocono."

"Valvoline purchases 50% of new race team, 75% of Scott Riggs."

"The Ceasar Haircut: From Hubie Brown to Bob Jenkins."

"Kevin Lepage now sponsored by BoSpoker.net, .info, .edu, .co.uk, .xxx"

"3 Doors Down hold non-Nascar related concert."

"Nascar countersues Kentucky Speedway for gaudy, gimmicky garage layout."

"New video game has mysterious 'Ron Mexico' as driver."

"Fan attempts to watch Chicago, New Hampshire, and Pocono back-to-back-to-back; slips into coma."

and...

"Tim Fedewa's job in jeopardy; experts unsure why this didn't happen 2 years ago."