What if Drivers had to Work for their Sponsors? PART 3

PART III

Tony Stewart (The Home Depot): Customer Service Clerk: “It doesn’t matter—you can’t return an item after 30 days without a receipt. Now if you don’t leave quietly, I’ll have to get Mr. Tony to escort you out.”

Ken Schrader (Little Debbie/Air Force): “This is Shredder to air base, Shredder to air base. We have positive ID on the target, preparing to launch missiles at the Keebler factory.”

Dave Blaney (Caterpillar): Co-worker: “Dude, Dave still works here? I thought he was fired years ago.”

Jeff Gordon (DuPont): At a speech at the Experimental Station: “And so you see, by combining synthetic polymers, bio-engineered chemical compounds, and a drop of Pepsi, we’ve been able to create the world’s perfect driver! Capable of speeds in excess of 220 MPH, boyish good looks, and a superior memory for all of his sponsors. Unfortunately, it DID take us many years and false starts to create this specimen, but don’t worry—we’re shipping all the rejects to a place that will take any driver—Keith Coleman Racing!”

Brian Vickers (GMAC): Supervisor: “Look, Brian—I don’t CARE if you’re leaving at the end of the week—you’ve STILL got to process these loan applications. And you’d BETTER not apply for unemployment.”

Jamie McMurray (Crown Royal/Irwin Tools): “Ahh…nothing’s better than a nice glass of Crown Royal…except a nice glass of Crown Royal mixed with a power drill!”

Kevin Harvick (GM Goodwrench/Reese’s): “Well, ma’am, here’s the problem. I checked the engine, and it looks like some grout got into your piston. Then again, maybe your piston got into some grout. Either way, it’ll be $1,200.”

Jeff Burton (Cingular): “Hello, thank you for calling Cingular, formerly AT&T Wireless, formerly SBC Wireless, soon to be AT&T Wireless—how may I direct your call?”

Travis Kvapil (Tide): “Unclean…UNCLEAN—world is UNCLEAN!”

PART IV TOMORROW