Double Secret Probation

Today, Kyle Busch was fined, docked points, and put "on probation" for his actions in the World 600*. Often, whenever a driver commits "...actions detrimental to stock car racing" (read: something exciting), they are put "on probation". What exaction does being on probation mean? Well, thankfully I have access to the Nascar rulebook, and found out what little Kyle must do until Nascar sees fit:

--Must wear a tracking device on his ankle at all times (monitored by Chuck Bown).

--Is required to clean up all the trash thrown on the track whenever a race ends under caution.

--Has to comb the food particles out of Mike Helton's mustache.

--Forced to put corn flakes in his engine and spark plugs in his breakfast.

--On Speed TV shows, will no longer be referred to as "Shrub"; will instead be called "KB Toys"

--Will at least have to attend a consultation on eye-enlarging procedure.

--When Brian France WANTS a massage, Brian France GETS a massage.

--Must attend Annual Convention of Environmentalists, Anti-War Protestors, and Left-Wing Movie Stars; will be introduced as "Mr. Bu(s)ch".

--Will sit in a corner and think about what he's done. Turn 4 at Dover to be precise.




*--oh yeah, I'm old school