US Army Responds to Insult, Invades Harvick

Nascar driver Kevin Harvick apparently got more than he bargained for when he picked a fight with fellow Nascar driver Joe Nemechek.
Harvick was formally attacked by Nemechek’s sponsor, the United States Army, at 0600 hours this morning. Troops moved into Richard Childress Racing headquarters, as well as Harvick’s personal home.
“Kevin obviously forgot the golden rule of the military: Never mess with an Army man. Once we heard that Joe was in trouble, we swooped in to help.” explained Army spokesperson Scott Wilson. “We felt that Kevin’s comments were way out of line, plus we think that he’s been harboring Stephen Colbert, a known enemy of the state, in his raceshop.
Saturation bombing of Harvick began early this morning, following by a ground attack. Several Rangers were sent out on “seek and destroy” missions, while others were brought in to secure the RCR garage. Jeff Burton and Dave Blaney escaped unharmed, though the whereabouts of Clint Bowyer are still unknown.”When asked for comment, Harvick responded “AHHHH!!!”