Action Acquires Jeff Gordon's Soul

Continuing the company's remarkable comeback from ruin, Action Racing Collectables announced today that it had purchased exclusive marketing rights to the soul of Nascar Superstar Jeff Gordon.
"We've been in the market for souls for a long time now", Action CEO, Founder, and Swami Fred Wagenhaus said in a press conference yesterday. "Jeff's obviously one of Nascar's biggest stars, and we believe that the ability to actively promote and distribute his soul will bring our company closer to breaking even than ever before!"
Wagenhaus outlined an ambitious marketing plan to promote the latest acquisition. An upscale line of 1/24 diecast cars, labeled the "Platinum Elite Super Duper Fancy Pants Series" will include a limited edition race-used portion of Gordon's soul. Replicas of Gordon's soul will also be available through Action's exclusive group of authorized dealers, and through eBay several days later.
Gordon (who was unavailable for comment, as he is now trapped in eternal limbo) is just the latest big-time grab for Action, which recently acquired the goatee of Dale Earnhardt Jr. Action also has the promotional rights for Bobby Labonte's hair, John Force's charm, and about 10,000 overstock Dale Earnhardt K-2 pink cars.
Not to be outdone, Team Caliber has promised a better, more expensive version of the soul of Kurt Busch.