THE OUTSIDE GROOVE’S 2005 SEASON PREVIEW

…And the Rest

00-Kenny Wallace
--Has completed metamorphosis to “loveable funny guy” from “guy who never stopped complaining about Filbert Marcotti”.
09-Johnny Sauter
--look at the number (09)…look at the sponsor (an Indian casino)…look at the pit crew (isn’t there)…yep, even this team’s too good for a Sauter—bring us Gary Bradberry!
1-Martin Truex Jr
--Martin joins Jason Varitek in the “Last names that sound like DuPont products” Hall of Fame.
23-Unknown
--If a team stops running, and nobody’s around to care, does it make a sound?
33-Kerry Earnhardt
--This year, Kerry Earnhardt and Casey Atwood band together for truth, justice, and to get their back pay from Terry Bradshaw IN…The Repo Men!
36-Boris Said
--No, Centrix is a financial services firm, not a Viagra knockoff.
37-Kevin Lepage
--Remember when Kevin was sponsored by the Vermont Teddy Bear company?
44-Terry Labonte
--Terry is thinking of suing Hank Hill for stealing his life.
51-Unknown
--Ironic that a team sponsored by Marathon would be gone in a few months.
55-Derrike Cope
--WARNING-A Cope-atorium is in effect in order to limit the jokes about Derrike Cope made by the author.
73 Eric McClure
--I can learn!
80-Stan Hover
--Does this team actually exist?
91-Bill Elliott (also 39)
--Amazing to see how much the sport’s changed since Bill started racing…oh, except for the whole no minorities thing.
93-Unknown
--GIC, not to be confused with BIC, DIC, or an actual race team.
94-Who cares?
--I got a feeling—THIS is Stanton Barrett’s year.

Tomorrow--back to regular articles