THE BIGGEST FIGHT OF 2005!

Rusty “Hot Rod” Wallace vs. Ryan “The Mailman” Newman
“The Ruckus at the Raceshop”
(Undercard: “The Gambler” Brendan Gaughan vs. Travis “Kvazy” Kvapil)
As the Nascar world prepares for the biggest fight since Harvick vs. Kenseth II, promoter Don King had this to say at the fight’s first press conference:
“This will undoubtedly be the most fisticuffable fight the world of Nascar has EVER seen! The two pugilists of the gas pedal, the combatants of the carburetors, the destroyinators of the Dodges, will go head to head, toe to toe, CAR to CAR in the ring! Available for only $59.99 ONNNNNLY on Pay Per Vieeeeeeew!”
Elder combatant Rusty Wallace had this to say about the upcoming fight:
“Why can’t Ryan help me out? I ask him to tell me how he qualifies so well, he says no. I ask him to let me get ahead at Martinsville, he says no. I ask him to let me have a night with his wife, he says no! Why can’t he see that I’m the boss? I’m the one holding the water bottle here! ME! MEEEEEEEE! Respect! Respect! Respect!
Opponent Ryan Newman was brief in his comments:
“I’ll punch him in the mouth so hard his BROTHER will shut up”.